First steps - finding the right donor!

So.. You've decided to try for a baby!

There's just one critical thing us lesbians don't have... SPERM!!

Theoretically it seems like it's easy enough to say "yeah let's have a baby!"

But finding the right donor for you and your partner could take a long time..

If you're lucky enough to personally know your donor, that's great! Just be aware of the issues and the legalities of using a known donor, and that all parties involved are aware of what they're in for. Wether it be you want to use "him" as an "uncle figure" or something else. and if there will be contact or no contact with "him".

Known donor's can be tricky at times, but it is up to your personal preference.

If you're looking for an anonymous donor, here's where to start!

If you have been onto any donor websites, you will notice that there are men who "are happy to help you out the natural way" (yuck!) or the ones who can't even type english well. And then the one's who come across just plain creepy!

Finding a sperm donor on these websites can be a long and tiring process (and if you have a picky wife that's anything like mine it becomes very long haha!), but once you sift through the ones that don't suit your needs or wants, there's generally the chosen few who are more than willing to help, and you may even get a good looking one or one who matches your interests!

It is illegal in Australia to pay a man for a sperm donation, even though some of them do try and ask for payment! If they want a payment, you're better off to search for a donor through a clinic, but we will discuss this later down the post.

Also, please ensure that you have a donor contract ready to be singed by all parties when you have chosen a guy and are ready to proceed with trying to conceive. This is not a legal document, however it will hold up in court if anything turns sour.

Here are a couple of websites that we have checked out, and thought to be quite useful:

(if you have any we don't have listed and think they are great, please let us know by dropping a comment!)

coparents.com - Don't be put off by the name. This website allows you to narrow down your search criteria with skin/eyes/hair etc as well as location. (This is where we found our sperm donor)

You do have to create an account however, and can add photo's and can see photo's of the men.

To chat to the men, you need to pay a fee of $34.00 for a month's use. (be sure to cancel your membership when you've found your guy)

http://www.co-parentmatch.com/sperm-donors-australia.aspx - Like coparents.com but on a lesser budget looking website. You still need to pay to talk to other members.

pollentree.com - another list of donor's. pretty much the same process, you have to create an account and pay to chat. There seems to be a few of the same people on each website, while i've had a quick scroll through the sites tonight.

It is very important to ensure you get your donor to have a full sexual health screen of any diseases or hereditary conditions that he can present to you before any donation be made.

It is important to remember that in Australia, children conceived from donor sperm have the right to access identifying information about the donor when they turn 18, from births deaths and marriages.

There is also another option of buying sperm from a clinic to take home with you that has been frozen and screened and tested by the clinics. This could be an easier option for you if you don't want to sift through the websites in all their glory! you will have the choice of screened men from pages and pages of carefully selected and counselled men. Clinic recruited men, however, have no legal rights to a child. The woman who carries and gives birth to a child is the legal mother. The recipient couple is financially and legally responsible for the child and have full parental rights of the child.

In Victoria, from previous experience, the only way for your partner to become listed as a "parent" on the child's birth certificate is for them to "insert" the sperm into the woman to carry to child. (unless through a clinic) You also need a statutory declaration to hand in to births deaths and marriages that states who is who in the process.

Another thing to remember when finding a donor, is the location or distance between all parties.

You need to feel comfortable with the man as you will need to see him a few times or a lot of times, depending on how long it takes to conceive. Consider how long the drive is, as you need to be using fresh sperm (30 mins max out of body for best results) and wether you will need a hotel room or if you feel comfortable trying at his place/having him at your house.

This was a lot of information to take in..

If I have not covered something you were looking for or have any further questions or comments, please do not hesitate to contact us through either Facebook, our email or this website.

It's time for these two mamma's to go to bed and catch some Zz's before the gremlin (aka miss 2.5) is up in seven hours. #mumlife

Xx