Let’s make a baby....

Deciding to make a baby is the best and most exciting conversation you can have with your partner. You get goose bumps, your heart starts racing and you just want it to happen NOW. Some people wait until the “right” time, others do it NOW.

This is what I want to talk about in today’s post...

Society these days is often referred to as a “throw away” society. Meaning if something breaks we simply get a new one and throw the old out in the trash. We do it with everything from $1000 phones to clothes, furniture, white goods even relationships. Most of the time it happens without us even batting an eye lid. Why? Because it’s the norm. Everyone does it these days. Don’t like the colour anymore? Get a new one. Joe Blow up the road just got a new one so I want one now. Even furniture... I’m pretty sure my almost 60 year old parents still have furniture from when I was a kid (that was second hand when they got it) and they will probably use it until they die. The amount of times that I have said “go get a new one” and they don’t is ridiculous.

So why are we so different to that generation? Because the younger generations have more products that are available and in your face wherever you go. We have been told that we can be whoever we want to be, have whatever we want and to chase happiness. The problem is we compare everything in our lives to what we think other people have or what we see on social media. So we go out and buy new things and throw away the old because it’s “better” or it will “make us happy”. You know.. the grass is always greener on the other side.

So what’s my point.....??

We we do the same thing with out relationships (generally speaking). As soon as things get hard or we might have to pick up a second job so the wife can stay home, or eat sausages and veg every night for a week, money might get tight and suddenly you don’t get to do all the things you used to do... we “throw it away”. All the things that we find hard with relationships our parents and grandparents just dealt with it, week In and week out.

My mum stayed home with us kids while my dad worked away from home and I can tell you now he wouldn’t have earnt more than I earn now working in a retail store. Mum was pretty much a single parent and she just had to deal with that. Our car was a million and one years old and broke down more than it didn’t. I never knew how tough it was until I grew up. I remember a conversation that I had with Mum, not that long ago, I called her crying and stressed because I only had $200 in my bank account to last until Friday. Mum laughed and me and told me I would be fine and to stop wasting my money. She told me that that was how much she had to last for the fortnight with two kids and that was a good week. Shit. Maybe I was overreacting.

Since then my partner and I have had broke times, not so broke times and holy F#@k we are really broke times. Some days we want to quit and we fight. Then we say “why can’t we deal with this? Both of our parents did.”

I know... what’s the point of this blog post?

Families are hard. Your going to have days where your broke, or your kid is sick and your sick but you still have to take them to school, make lunches and go to work or days where you can’t buy that new TV or iPhone cause you need to buy Christmas presents or pay school fees. Life completely changes when you have a child. People seriously do not realise how much it changes.

In in this industry we talk to a lot of people who tell us there stories.. the amount of couples who break up with a 1 year old is heartbreaking. Or couples who have driffed apart over the years and break up cause they have stopped trying, they still have young kids maybe like 3 and 5 year old. It’s still a family broken up.

It it is so easy to have a baby these days, especially for lesbians and everyone knows how fast lesbians move (Married on the second date) haha! I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t move at lesbian speed, take a breath after you have that “let’s make a baby” chat. Think about it, are we prepared to fight and work in this relationship when things get hard? Can we realistically see each other together in 50 years? Be realistic. Otherwise there is a good chance you will end up one of those couples who split up with an one year old. And trust me, it is bloody hard to have joint custody of a child. It’s hard for the parents, it’s hard and confusing for a child, especially young kids and it is bloody rough for any new partner that comes into the relationship.

You might think, oh it will be fine, if we break up we will still be friends. Sorry but it doesn’t always work like that. Especially when there is money and kids involved. Most parents turn to hate each other, it generally gets easier over time but it can be bloody hard.

47% of divorces in Australia involve children under the age of 18 and there is about 132 divorces in Australia every single day.

Obviously we we are not here to stop anyone from having a child, we just want to make sure you forfill your dreams and stay happy. That is our number one goal. And remember that your partner isn’t the enemy no matter how little sleep you have had, work together, communicate and love your family, fight for your family and the best thing is date night! Once a week, once a month, whatever just have a date night. Just you and your partner, doesn’t have to be fancy as long as it’s kid free for a couple of hours and it’s just about you two. No money issues. No fights. No kids. Just love.

Make sure your realationship is built on solid foundations and your family is set up. Money, secure home..all the things that bring stress to a family and prepare for change. Be aware that having a baby is going to change everything and don’t be afraid to ask for help and guidance from the people around you :)

We feel a lot of pressure these days from Social media. We all see the happy families and we want the same thing. What we don’t realise is we don’t see the whole picture when it is put on social media, they only show us what they want us to see. Don’t let the pressure from social media and the things going on around you influence your decision to have a baby or not. And always remember that just because they seem happy doesn’t mean they are so don’t put that kind of pressure on your relationship because you “want to be like them”.

Just be you, and do what is right for you and your family.

TM&B

xx